WOMEN IN ISLAM

by

Sr. Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood

‘Whoever does good works, man or woman, and has faith, truly to such We will give a new life, a life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions’. (Surah 16:97)

If Western non-Muslims are asked for their first impressions of Muslim women, many think first of the Pakistani or Bangladeshi women they see working all hours in corner-shops, or mysterious women shrouded in garments that hide everything, even their faces. After the Iranian Revolution came pictures of militant women in black chadors, and after the recent terrorism they know of Afghanistani women in blue shuttlecock burqas, in pitiful poverty, forbidden to work or have education. People interested in social justice against abuses of women quite justifiably become heated about forced and false marriages; female genital mutilation; women treated like slaves, or being dumped in ‘instant’ divorces, or made to accept polygamous marriages. These horrors are all supposed to be ‘Islamic’.

In fact, none of the above things are Islamic at all.

The revelation of Islam came to an Arab prophet in more or less the same patch of sand as the prophets of the two other world-faiths which share the same Divine Source, (ie. the Jews and the Christians), and those prophets or messengers were virtually all in the same family tree; but like both Judaism and Christianity it now has far more adherents who are not from that region or ethnic background than those that are. Muslim women are women of all around the world, Arab, Asian, Malaysian, Chinese, from the old Soviet states, Indian, Indonesian, Iranian, Egyptian, African, Turkish, Balkan, European, and American. I myself am a white Englishwoman, and most of my white Muslim friends are English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Danish, Finnish, German, Swedish, Canadian, American and so on. Once it is realised that Muslim women can be any nationality, from Eskimo to Aborigine, the list of horrors given at the start of this article can be seen in context as cultural matters, usually of a few of the world’s most backward, rural, or wild places.

It is true that some of the world’s poorest women are Muslims, but then so are some of the most fabulously wealthy. Some live in societies that do not stretch to education for girls, but some Muslim women are the most highly qualified professionals in the world. Those Muslim ladies forbidden to drive cars in Riyadh drive them all over the USA and wherever else they may wander – it is not a ruling of Islam. Recent news showed Afghanistani refugee women in their terrible present situation, with no changes of clothing and only a tent for shelter if they are lucky – but other Muslim women refugees from wars and oppressive regimes that ‘get out’, who have money, qualifications and research degrees, become enormous boons to the societies they end up in. One has only to think of many of the Indian Muslim women who fled from Idi Amin’s Uganda who now staff our National Health Service.

Not only is it untrue that Muslim women are forbidden education, but they are actually commanded by God to seek education and knowledge from the cradle to the grave, and from every possible source.

In the UK, many Muslim women take very seriously the duty to serve the community as best they can – as nurses, doctors, midwives, dentists, lawyers, policewomen, teachers and headteachers. Since Muslim women usually prefer to be seen by female medical staff, for example, so trained women are highly important and much treasured. The Muslim community in the UK – whatever its ethnic background – shares the same problem of disaffected, unambitious, and underachieving boys as non-Muslim communities, but hopefully it will not be too long before the lads realise they have to put in some effort and catch up!

Some Muslims believe (based on one shaky hadith) that it is bad luck to have a female ruler, yet as it happens the majority of women who have smashed through the political glass ceiling and made it to the rank of female president or prime minister have been Muslim women. The first woman to be president of the Oxford Students’ Union was a Muslim woman from a privileged background – Benazir Bhutto, who went on to be Prime Minister of Pakistan. The first woman Prime Minister in the UK started off in a family running a grocer’s shop – there are now umpteen highly educated Muslim women in the UK who similarly started off as daughters of small shop keepers and are now gaining first and higher degrees. Who knows what they will achieve?

As I said, many unpleasant issues thought to be Muslim because some Muslims have been guilty of them, are actually cultural, and the very opposite of the teaching of Islam. The issue of forced marriages, for example, is a problem for some girls of Indian/Pakistani/ Bangladeshi culture (whether Hindu, Muslim or Sikh), but plays no part in the lives of Muslim women of all the other cultural backgrounds. Such marriages are actually illegal in Islam, and in Shari’ah law can be declared null and void. Islam insists on the free consent of both potential spouses.

Likewise, female genital mutilation (female circumcision is an inaccurate description of this revolting practice) has been a custom amongst people of Muslim, Christian and pagan tribal backgrounds in Africa (notably Somalia and Egypt), but is an inconceivable horror to Muslim women of all other cultural backgrounds. Since these things are known to have been suffered by some of our own UK citizens, how useful it would be if our judges in the UK did some training in the relevant Shari’ah law. Another highly useful issue to cover would be that of so-called ‘honour killing’ of daughters, which is in fact murder.

What does the Qur’an teach about women, or command for women? In fact, virtually all the commands and principles of the Qur’an are non-sexist – they are addressed to all Muslims, and do not differentiate at all between male and female. In Arabic, whenever it says ‘he’ it means ‘he or she’, and ‘mankind’ means ‘all human beings’.

There are only a few instances that stipulate rulings specifically for men or women, and these are made clear by specific wording. Since Muslim women are under all the same obligations and rules of conduct as the men, the only real differences are a few allowances made for their God-created differences and weaknesses, based on the cycle of menstruation, pregnancy and child-bearing and rearing, when concessions are made for them, and some rules for clothing. So, for example, women have the concession of not being expected to fast or pray the ritual salah during menstruation, or to attend prayers at the mosque if they are busy with children or nursing invalids and so on. They are not, of course, banned from making the many normal everyday prayers we would call personal supplications, which do not involve the state of ritual purity and the prayer-movements of prostration.

Islam most certainly does not oppress women – it raises, honours and protects them. The problem is that individual Muslim people are not the religion. When an Englishman gets drunk and swears at his partner or hits her, nobody blames Christianity. As in any other walk of life, there are Muslim men who are cruel or abusive or ignorant in some way or other, and do the wrong things. Some of them are extremely religious men – this is also nothing new. It is vital to remember, or indeed realise that one should never judge a faith/religion by the behaviour of some of its more ignoble adherents.

It is also vital for Muslim scholars to do their utmost not to sweep these issues under the carpet, or try to avoid abuse of Islam by ignorant or malevolent Muslim men, but to do their utmost to convince them that abusive conduct not only damages their unfortunate victims but also tarnishes the name of Islam itself, and has actually stirred up many non-Muslims to actually hate what they regard as Islam.

Islam did much to improve the lot of the women of the Prophet’s own time in many ways. He lived in turbulent times, when slavery, debauchery, drunkenness and sexual abuse was rife; when poor women could be maltreated and wealthy men and women could live totally without morals if they wished, without much criticism and little redress. Of course, Arab women then were as varied in types and talents as they are today. Some were highly educated and enjoyed great wealth and power, many were humble nonentities eking out fairly humdrum lives in pretty basic conditions.

Two concepts we now regard as social evils – slavery and polygamy – were considered normal, not only in Arabia/Palestine/Israel, but in many societies. A man who gave employment to large numbers of slaves, and homes to large numbers of women, was regarded as generous, not evil – unless he happened to be a cruel and abusive householder. Since slaves and women cost money, they were usually looked after reasonably well, and it was normal procedure for slave families to remain within the same household, family, or network of families for generations. Slave owners much preferred supporting ‘staff’ they already knew. Slaves that were bought in the market, or captured in battle were an unknown quantity, and might prove more trouble than they were worth. As regarded marriage, women also usually married within the same family network. Womenfolk who came from outside the family network were likewise ‘wild cards’, and had nothing like the huge family back-up of a bride who was also a cousin. Moreover, marrying women within one’s family also consolidated the family wealth, and kept inheritance in the family. It is perhaps worth commenting that women from a non-Muslim background marrying a Muslim man without the benefit of having a Muslim father, brother or uncle to keep those husbands in line stand far more risk of abuse from men who feel able to ‘get away with’ poor behaviour that would not be accepted by a Muslim wife’s family.

Osama bin Ladin’s wealthy family may enjoy the ‘privilege’ of both he and his father producing over forty children, but the Prophet’s example was to marry a woman in her forties when he was only twenty-five (his wealthy employer), and live with this one woman as his life-partner for 25 years until she died. She bore him six or seven children, having been married at least twice before and having had at least five existing children. He then experienced being a ‘single parent’ before marrying another widow in her forties; then he had a child-bride reserved for him (as was quite normal at the time, and seems to have been the case with Jesus’ parents Mary and the elderly Joseph of Nazareth) and married her when she reached puberty – theirs became a famous love story; and finally, in the last six years of his life he took into his household a range of widows of his friends, women in his wider family who had got into difficulties, and saved from the trauma of being sold off a couple of captive women from eminent enemy families. The battles in which his enemies tried to wipe him out produced large numbers of widows with little provision for themselves and their children - in these circumstances polygamy was encouraged as an act of charity, up to the limit of four wives, for those men who felt able to welcome families in difficulties into their households. Needless to say, the widows were not necessarily sexy young girls but usually mothers of up to six children, who came as part of the deal!

Moreover, the Muslim wives of men who took these extras on were very special, generous women. Muslim men were expected to be able to provide for wives and children at their own expense. A man with no income or resources to take on several wives could not expect a state system of benefits to finance them, so polygamy was far from normal for the poor. Muslim men who marry polygamously in the UK and have multiple children on state benefits are committing haram acts and taking advantage of the ignorance of our legal system on Shari’at law rulings.

The ‘first rule’ of Islam is kindness and compassion, and no Muslim is to contemplate acting deliberately in such a way as would cause hurt to another – either human or animal. If a husband wished to take a second wife, it was not to be done to the detriment or hurt of the first. Multiple wives in the household all had equal rights as regarded time with the husband, equal standard of housing, clothing, food, and so on. The only matter that could not be ruled on was equal sexual activity during that equally divided time. If these rights were not granted, wives were entitled to divorce, and men not able to give these facilities were ordered not to marry more than one wife.

‘If you (marry widows with existing children, but) fear that you shall not be able to treat the female orphans with Islamic justice, then you should not marry women with orphan children; marry other women of your choice: two, three or four. But if you fear that you will not be able to maintain justice between your wives, then marry only one, or take in marriage a slave girl that you already own. That will be more suitable , so that you may not deviate from the Right Way.’ (Surah 4:3 – Malik’s translation).

Sexual intimacy outside marriage is forbidden in Islam, including sex before marriage, adultery, or homosexual relationships. These things are regarded as the actions of the inconsiderate, lustful and selfish, people who lack honour and feel no responsibility for the many other people affected by these relationships – especially ashamed parents or innocent children. However, within marriage sexual intimacy should be raised from the animal level to sadaqah (charity, and a form of worship) by consideration for the happiness and satisfaction of the spouse rather than self-gratification. People who contract to refuse all other sexual partners are entitled to sexual satisfaction, in order to promote contentment and happiness, rather than disappointment and frustration with all its attendant emotional, mental and hormonal problems.

Marriages in Islam are not ‘made in heaven’ or ‘for better for better, for worse’ or ‘till death do us part’. They are contracts with conditions. If either side breaks the conditions, divorce is not only allowed, but usually expected. However, sometimes an existing wife (especially one past middle-age with consequent decreased enticements for attracting a new husband) might choose to continue being supported by her partner even if he wishes to marry another wife, rather than re-start life on her own or be obliged to return to her parents or find another spouse. Some older women are very content to have younger ‘sister-wives’ to take over the sexual side of things and the housework. A Muslim man is not supposed to eject from their homes perfectly respectable older wives who do not wish for divorce. ‘Of all the things Allah has allowed, divorce is the most disliked,’ he said. (Hadith of Abu Dawud 893 etc). The Prophet (pbuh) himself set the sunnah of maintaining at least one wife with whom his sexual relationship had ended, Sawdah.

In good Islamic practice, before any effort is made to seek divorce, all efforts possible should have been made to solve the problems and reconcile the spouses. A Muslim spouse has a genuine grievance if the partner has behaved in such as way as to go against the sunnah practice of Islam that would affect their lives – the ‘amal’ aspects - in other words, if their ‘normal’ behaviour became cruel, vindictive, abusive, unfaithful, cheating, lying, neglectful, selfish, sexually abusive, tyrannical, perverted, or they have taken up habitual foul language, drinking, gambling, taking drugs, stealing etc. Wives whose husbands have given up the compulsory worship aspects of Islam – the ‘iman’, the prayers and fasting – can usually live with that, since it should not affect their own faith; but no doubt their nagging would increase in direct proportion to their disappointment.

First marriages are normally arranged by caring parents, following the matchmaking traditions of centuries, since Muslim girls live pretty sheltered lives, Someone needing a spouse may take the assistance of a wali, a supervising guardian, who is not necessarily one’s parent – parents have all sorts of axes to grind and might prefer an inadequate and pathetic cousin to a noble outsider. The more unbiased the ‘expert’ the better. Walis are expected to find out all the necessary details about the proposed spouses, vet them carefully and make recommendations. The spouses are expected to be consulted over the proposed mates, and to give their consent freely. Some young Muslims are so trusting of their parents’ judgement they would accept it without quibble and not even see the spouse until the marriage; but all have the right to say yes or no without embarrassment, even if the proposed spouse is a relative. Islam gave women the right to reject spouses they did not want, especially in cases where family money was involved, or where female orphans had guardians who wished to engineer matches to keep wealth within the family. This background no longer applies for the vast majority of Muslim women, and in many cases has never applied. And any Muslim parents who force or trick their offspring into marriages they do not want are committing haram.

A girl is expected to be protected by her family so that she goes to her first marriage as a virgin, and her responsibility to safeguard her chastity is taken very seriously. Once married, both Muslim spouses are to remain faithful to each other, and adultery is regarded as a most serious and dishonourable matter, and if carried on so flagrantly that there are witnesses, could be punished by death. Adultery is voluntary sex between two people of different sexes, if either or both of them are already married. Sex when drunk or drugged or raped cannot count as adultery because it is not done voluntarily.

(There was no need for adultery – if the marriage had failed, divorce was honourably and kindly arranged and spouses could easily remarry. If women did not, their families took over the care of them as they grew older. Incidentally, in communities where divorce was simple and carried no particular stigma, and men often got killed off, many women had four or more husbands in a lifetime, though in their case, it would be consecutively. I know several examples of the Prophet’s female Companions who had five husbands, often bearing children to all of them.

Examples of key women in the story of Islam who had many husbands include the Prophet’s (pbuh) famous great-grandmother Salmah bint Amir of the Banu Adiy b. Najjar, who had married and divorced as she wished several times, her husbands including the celebrities Sheikh Uhayhah b. Julah of Aws, Malik b. Adiy of her own tribe, and Awf b. Abdu Awf of Zuhrah, before she accepted Hashim b. Abdu’l Manaf of the Quraysh – with whom she refused to live in Makkah, but kept her own establishment in Yathrib; Some other interesting examples were Asma bint Umays, who married three leading Muslim celebrities, having offspring to them all - first Ja’far b. Abu Talib, then Abu Bakr, and finally Ali; Umm Kulthum bint Uqbah b. Abu Mu’ayt, who married Zayd b. Harithah, then Zubayr b. Awwam, then Nu’ayman b. Amr (known as ‘the joker’), then Abdu’r Rahman b. Awf, and finally a much younger man - Umar b. al-As; Quraybah bint Abu Umayyah b. Mughirah (Umm Salamah’s half-sister) who married Zama’a b. Aswad, Umar, Mu’awiyyah, Abdu’r Rahman b. Abu Bakr and finally Safwan b. Umayyah; and Jamilah the daughter of the Prophet’s (pbuh) rival in Madinah – Abdullah b. Ubayy – who married Hanzalah b. Abu Amir, Thabit b. Qays. Khawli b. Abdullah, Malik b. Dukhshum and Khubayb b. Yasaf.)

The so-called ‘honour-killings’ that have taken place in various societies have nothing to do with Islam, are not usually cases of actual adultery, but are in fact murder. Murder of an innocent female by a father or brother or uncle is one of the most horrendous crimes imaginable.

The Prophet (pbuh) had to experience this unpleasantness himself when his wife Aishah was accused of adultery, simply because she had been left alone in the desert and had accepted a lift home from a young man she had known from childhood. There was no honour killing either by the Prophet (pbuh) or on his behalf. In Islam people who accuse others of adultery without genuine grounds for doing were made to face the penalty for being a false witness and for slander. The penalty given to the false witnesses in Aishah’s case was a flogging (including one of her own relatives – Mistah, and the sister of one of the Prophet’s other wives – Hamnah bint Jahsh).

When Muslims die, strict laws govern the shares of property and money they may leave to others; daughters usually inherit less than sons, but this is not because of inferior status but because their menfolk are supposed to provide for them. Any money or property given to or inherited by women is theirs to keep, and they are not obliged to share it. Similarly, in marriage, anything owned by women, including any wages from employment, is theirs to keep, and is not expected to be used by the husband unless with consent. It is the husband’s responsibility to provide for his womenfolk, children and household servants. Modern jurists interpret the spirit of the law widely in today’s situations, when making judgements. Any inheriting son may donate some of his inheritance to his sister as a gift if he feels circumstances require it.

As regards the witness of two women being required instead of one, the shari’ah generally accepts that this is advisable in such things as business matters where the woman concerned might have little knowledge and no expertise of the subject, or as regards paperwork if the woman is not educated.

‘If the borrower is mentally unsound or weak or is unable to dictate himself, let the guardian of his interests dictate for him with justice. Let two witnesses from among you bear witness to all such documents, if two men cannot be found, then one man and two women of your choice should bear witness, so that if one of the women forgets anything the other may remind her.’ (Surah 2: 282).

However, in matters where their witness would be just as valid as a man’s, the witness of one woman is sufficient and accepted as the same as a man’s. All the other Qur’an references regarding witnesses come under the category of verses applying equally to men and women – there is no distinction, or extra number of women required.

Muslim women are required to behave modestly, and dress modestly. This is not regarded as oppression. Muslim women do not seek to have a physical effect on men, other than in privacy with their own husbands. Their clothing may be attractive and graceful, but should always be modest. A woman in hijab is a covered lady – one who does not reveal her physical charms to those outside her own family.

There is always controversy about the extent of a woman’s hijab - some women cover absolutely everything, including even the face and eyes; others interpret it to mean ‘modest dress according to the society in which one lives’. When other Muslims try to force a woman to wear something she does not wish to, or ‘look down the nose’ at someone for showing a wisp of hair and so on, they are actually going beyond the bounds of Islam. When the Prophet (pbuh) pointed at a woman’s face and hands to indicate how much she should show to males outside her family, we have no idea how much hair she had visible at the time. The Qur’anic ruling about cover was that she should draw her veil over her bosom – it was an enticing bosom that was the piece of anatomy that needed the compulsory cover.

No-one has any right to force anything on another in Islam. When I read of ignorant and abusive men throwing acid in the faces of women because they disapprove of how they are dressed, I weep in despair. To do such a thing is so evil. How on earth they can reconcile such wicked acts with the loving sunnah of their Prophet (pbuh) I cannot imagine. The compulsory aspect of hijab is the modesty, and modest conduct is the important thing, not the style of clothing.

The style worn is irrelevant, as may be seen by a brief study of the various styles of Muslim dress around the world. Traditional Muslims go back to the example of the Prophet’s own family; his womenfolk covered from neck to wrist and ankle, and also covered their hair. They were required to do so once they had reached puberty until they passed the age of childbearing, and even then most continued the practice voluntarily. His own wives even covered their faces, but this was not compulsory for other women – nevertheless many chose to follow the example.

‘O wives of the Prophet! You are not like the other women: if you have reverence for Allah, then you should not be too familiar when talking to men who are not your relatives, lest those in whose heart is an ulterior motive may be encouraged by it; and speak using suitable decent language. Stay in your homes and do not display your finery as women used to do in the days before Islam; establish Salah, pay Zakah, and obey Allah and His Messenger. O women of the household of the Messenger, Allah’s intention is to remove uncleanliness from you and to purify you completely.’ (Surah 33:32-33).

Unless the situation is dangerous, women are not required to remain in the home all the time - and this is not attempted in most of the Muslim world, although Muslim women are requested not to hang about in public places unnecessarily, or to encourage unwanted attention.

What is forbidden in Islam is for a man to be alone in a place where sex is possible with a woman who is not his relative. At least one other person should be present, in order to prevent any temptation to sexual misconduct. It is an unfortunate fact that some girls and women even need protection from men in their own families, and in these circumstances it would be most advisable not to be alone with them, either. As for men and women being together in public - in the same mosque, school, class, lecture hall, place of work or shop - this is perfectly permissible in Islam, provided the women are dressed modestly. Islam is the middle way between the lax and the too-strict. It was normal, at the time of the Prophet, for women to attend prayers at the mosque, in the same space and not separated from their men by a sutrah.

A good Muslim woman should always be trustworthy and kind. She should strive to be cheerful and encouraging towards her husband and family, and keep their home free from anything harmful (haram covers all kinds of aspects of harm, including forbidden foodstuffs, behaviour, misery and abuse). No matter what their individual skills or level of intelligence and so on, a Muslim woman is expected to accept her man as the head of her household – therefore it is vitally important that she should take care to marry a man she can respect, and whose wishes she can carry out with clear conscience. Your spouse is your only relative you can choose in this life – the rest being provided for you. If your spouse is unreasonable, or selfish, or abusive, you will never be content. This is a good reason why marriages are arranged with such care, often without the seducing atmosphere of emotional love. If a woman cannot respect her husband, perhaps because he is inferior mentally or morally, or is abusive in any way, the marriage will be a disaster. I always advise my female listeners not to marry an idiot!

When a man expects his wife to do anything contrary to the will of God - in other words, any nasty, selfish, dishonest or cruel action, etc - she has the right not to obey, but to refuse him. Her husband is not her master; a Muslim woman has only one Master, and that is Allah. So long as her husband represents Allah’s will in the home, well and good. If he does not, the contract is broken. At the same time, if a husband finds that his wife has become disloyal to him, and is conducting herself to his shame, then he may not just ignore this, but it is his duty to do something about it. Yusuf Ali’s translation of ‘disloyalty and misconduct’ refer to the Arabic term ‘nushuz’ (Lit. ‘rebellion’). This really means ill-will, every kind of deliberate bad behaviour of a wife towards a husband (or vice versa), including what is today called ‘mental cruelty’. With reference to the husband, it also denotes physical ill-treatment of his wife; in this context, it seems that a wife’s ill-will implies a deliberate and persistent breach of her marital obligations.

Counselling is the preferred Muslim way. If a woman is living in fear of her husband, or of violent reprisals if she dares to complain or reveal anything - then that man is a very poor Muslim, no matter how often he prays or how much time he spends at the mosque. ‘Those whose neighbours live in fear of his harm, is not one of us,’ said the Prophet (pbuh). The best Muslims were those who were best to their families and their wives. ‘The most perfect male believer is the one whose character is finest, and who is kindest to his wife,’ he said.

Can Muslim men beat their wives? Absolutely not. The Prophet (pbuh) stated that: ‘No Muslim man should ever hit ‘one of Allah’s handmaidens’. A Muslim man who behaves like that is more abusive than the many non-Muslim men who do it. It is true that one verse in the Qur’an allowed physical chastisement as a last resort for a woman whose ill-will was wrecking a marriage – but only if it was of a token nature and not to hurt, and only after going through the procedure of much verbal communication, then the drastic step of separate beds.

Here is the verse: ‘Men are protectors and supporters of women because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because men are required to spend their wealth to maintain women. Honourable women, therefore, are devoutly obedient and guard in their husband's absence what Allah requires them to guard - their husband's property and their own honour. As to those women from whom you fear marital breakdown, first reason with them, then refuse to share your bed with them, and then, if necessary, chastise them. If they then obey you, you must take no further actions against them or make excuses to punish them. Allah is the Almighty and is fully aware of all your actions.’ (Surah 4:34).

The very next verse goes on: ‘If you fear a breach of marriage between a man and his wife, then select one counsellor from his family and another from hers; if they really wish to be reconciled, Allah will create a way of reconciliation between them. Allah is the Knowledgeable, Aware.’ (Surah 4:35).

If the abused wife is a Muslim convert with no Muslim male relatives to come to her support, I always suggest that she should go straight to her husband’s mosque and alerts either or both the Imam and her husband’s father, and asks for the counselling procedure laid down in the just-quoted verse. Incidentally, I would also advise this if a non-Muslim woman had been made pregnant and was then threatened with desertion by a Muslim man.

With luck, it may be enough just to point something out verbally. If she takes no notice, then the relationship is starting to break down. A husband could then find it difficult to sleep with his wife, and might begin the separation. This is usually such a serious step in a marriage that it clarifies the mind, and the couple are brought to the stage of talking things through and reaching some agreement.

If that fails, a Muslim man has the right in the last resort to try physical assertion. Every commentator on the Qur’an makes it clear that a brutal beating is not what is allowed. This is one matter in which the sunnah of the Prophet is so vital in making meanings clear.

There is no suggestion that a man should ever hit his wife out of anger, frustration, irritation, annoyance or disappointment, or just as the result of losing his temper. All those things are totally unIslamic, and the man would be ultimately held to account for them if he did them, at the Day of Judgement. If a Muslim man foolishly uses this text to grant himself the right to beat his wife, he has completely misunderstood the principles of Islam, in which one Muslim should never seek to hurt another, especially not his closest neighbour and friend, his wife.

The Prophet (pbuh) despised men who could hit a woman, child, or old person, especially those who hit them about the face or head. He was emphatic that those who did could hardly regard themselves as the best of Muslims! Incidentally, wives were also requested not to beat their husbands.

‘It is not lawful for a woman who believes in Allah to allow anyone into her husband’s home whom he dislikes….She should not refuse to share her husband’s bed. She should not strike him. If he is more in the wrong than she, she should plead with him until he sees reason. If he accepts her pleading, well and good, and her plea will be accepted by Allah; if he is not reconciled to it, her plea will have reached Allah in any case.’ Hadith from Al-Hakim.

Once man and wife are in harmony again, no more continued ill-feeling should continue. No nagging, or continually bringing matters up again and again.

Why should men protect and support women? At the time the Qur’an was revealed, women had virtually no access to birth control, and so were unable to do much more than child-rearing for a large part of their married lives. However, the Qur’an was not intended just for those times, but for all people, in all times. Scholars always look to the spirit and principles taught; it could easily be argued that in this day and age the women are often the breadwinners while the men are unemployed.

As situations change, so one has to look into the spirit and meaning of the Qur’anic text to see Allah’s intention. It was that women should be given full support and assistance, and should be able to rely on a man to look after them. Men do not suffer the physical problems involved with menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, with all the hormonal upheavals that go along with these things. It does not mean that a woman should not go out to work, but that in a Muslim marriage, she should not be obliged to do so, in order to make ends meet. It is the husband’s duty to provide, and the wife’s to provide the comfort and safe haven of a loving home.

‘Goodness and Evil can never be equal. Repel (Evil) with that which is better: then the one between whom and you was hatred will become as it were your close friend!’ (Surah 41:34).

‘Strive together towards all that is good, and wherever you are, God will bring you together.’ (Surah 2:148).

God bless you, wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.