The Paedophile
Prophet?
by
Sr Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood.
I have noticed recently that my mailbox has increasingly included attacks on the Prophet (pbuh) that put forward the outrageous suggestion that he was a paedophile.
This notion is so offensive to Muslims that I hardly dare attempt to deal with it – but I feel things need to be said.
The main grounds these attackers have for making such a foul suggestion is the fact that the third wife of the Prophet, Aishah, was a child of only six years of age when she married him.
They may or may not realise that this was a nikah agreement without any sexual consummation, and Aishah continued to live at her home with her family - but even knowing that, it is generally accepted that her marital intimacy with the Prophet did commence when she was still only nine years old. Therefore the Prophet is accused of paedophilia!
Other criticisms include these:
· the Prophet polygamously married over a dozen women
· therefore he must have had an enormous sex-drive
· he enjoyed a sexual relationship with several young girls, including two who were slaves
· he was known to have enjoyed the company of women
· he stated himself that the three things he most enjoyed in life were perfume, women and prayer
The most important thing to make it crystal clear is that there is all the difference in the world – a huge difference – between the issue of the culturally accepted age for marriage (or the commencement of sexual activity in general) at various historic times and in various societies, and the issue of paedophilia. (For criticisms of and arguments against Child Marriage please refer to my separate article).
What is a
Paedophile?
A paedophile is an adult male who seeks sex with children. A paedophile may have a ‘normal’ adult relationship, but may not be ‘turned on’ or satisfied by normal sex, and needs the stimulus of pictures, photographs, imaginings, and actual visual and physical stimulus of sexual gratification using the bodies of children. Personally, I do not know if there are paedophile women – I have never heard of one or come across one.
What do paedophiles do?
They seek for, and frequently find, unprotected children to use for their unnatural sexual practices. Paedophiles will even abuse babies, whether boys or girls. Paedophilia is not usually a matter of an adult male fancying sex with a beautiful but immature female – it involves boys as much as girls, and maybe even more.
You may well wonder how an adult male can have sex with a baby or infant – to be blunt, this kind of sexual gratification usually involves masturbation with ejection between a child’s buttocks, or in the child’s mouth, or getting a child to do something that will bring the man to a climax.
During my 32 years as a school-teacher, I had the misfortune to come across many children who had been abused, damaged and traumatized by paedophiles, and the stories they told (if they could bear to speak of them) were usually pretty sickening. Their abusers were either obsessed by bizarre fetishes, or were pathetic and weak men (usually physically unpleasant in some way and therefore unattractive enough to have difficulties in forming normal adult relationships). Many were their own relatives. All were cruel, and cared absolutely nothing for the hurts and traumas suffered by their victims.
Sometimes the paedophile may be highly mentally disturbed, and may enjoy physically damaging a child, and committing atrocious activities which could all too easily end with the child’s murder to keep its mouth shut. I heard of one evil incident in Hull where a young boy was seized, and his bottom poked and wounded with sticks; and another in which a girl was taken and held down while the man urinated in her mouth, and tried to push a bottle into her anus. She also had her nipples bitten off.
All too often, paedophilia is ‘in the family’. In these cases, the child may be too young to know what is happening; when the child does realize, it may be too frightened to speak of it. Abused children are often told by their abusers that they are dirty, filthy, and nobody will ever want them, or want them sexually when they grow up. They are often told that if they tell anyone their ‘secret’, the abuser will hurt them, or even kill them. They try to convince the abused child that he or she is now ‘wicked’ and they will ‘tell’ and get them into trouble.
Another common ploy is to threaten to hurt someone else in the family through some means or another. If the abuser is a relative, as they so often are, then the abused child may be told that the abuser will divorce the child’s mother, or aunt, or grandmother. I have had several emailed cries for help from young Muslim girls where this has been the case. Sometimes, tragically, the children do tell on the abuser, but the abuser’s wife is too blind to see, too ‘in love’ with the abuser to turn him in, too frightened of the abuser herself to take action, or in too precarious a situation to cope without him. All these things make for terrible mental trauma for the child, over and above the physical degradation.
Some sexually abused children become so horrified by the fear and damage done to them that they have severe difficulty relating to a partner later in life, and may never do so. Others, on the contrary, become obsessed with sex and are at risk of being used forever if they get drawn into the wrong circles. Many end up committing suicide, or getting involved with drugs or prostitution, or live on the criminal fringe and spend their lives in and out of jail.
A paedophile is a sexual predator, on the look out for the means of gratification. As indicated, all too often he will be a family member – but there are also paedophiles who seek out jobs and places where they can have power over children, or be alone with them. They may ‘groom’ children over the internet, and trick them into meeting them.
Recently, we have had several cases reported in the media of paedophiles who were supposed to be tending children in care homes, supposedly celibate priests, social service workers, school caretakers, and so on. When I was a child, I remember the frequent (now politically incorrect) jokes about choirmasters, scoutmasters, and so on. The edges were blurred between paedophilia and homosexuality, because very often the paedophile was a homosexual. Nowadays homosexuality is legal in the UK, but it is still illegal to have sex with children under the age of 16, a ruling which might irritate a sexually eager young teenager, but is intended to safeguard youngsters as much as possible from predatory adult males.
As I stated earlier, the background out of which this suggestion is developed include the discovery by the critics of Islam that:
· the Prophet married Aishah when she was only 6 years old
· he polygamously married over a dozen women
· therefore he must have had an enormous sex-drive
· he enjoyed a sexual relationship with several other young girls, including two who were slaves
· he was known to have enjoyed the company of women
· he stated himself that the three things he most enjoyed in life were perfume, women and prayer
I would like to take those reading this to a very different world from that of the paedophile.
What about his early character? Narratives concerning his early years are few, but there is enough to indicate that he was a youth renowned for his decency, honesty, modesty, dependability, valour, and gentleness.
As a teenager, he was one of the founder members of an Order of Chivalry, the Hilf al-Fudul, whose whole objective was to protect the weak and oppressed, including the sexually oppressed. The members all believed fervently that it was cowardly and dishonourable to see injustice and tyranny and do nothing about it.
One early recorded incident was the threatened sexual abuse of Qatul, the daughter of a poor pilgrim to Makkah, who had been seized by Nabih b. Hajjaj. Her outraged father stormed to the Ka’bah and shouted out for help, and members of the Order went immediately to Nabih’s house to rescue her.
‘Fetch the girl out!’ they shouted. ‘You know who we are and the Pact we have agreed!’ The villain had the audacity to ask to keep her for one night, but they would have none of that, and the girl was let out and restored to her father. (Ibn Kathir 1.188).
The teenage Muhammad (pbuh) worked as a shepherd, guarding the livestock of his foster-father Abu Talib in the hills outside Makkah. He recorded that sometimes he would hear the sounds of tambourines, drums and flutes, indications of a wedding party, and would feel a young man’s natural urges to investigate – weddings were occasions when wine was consumed, young ladies were present, people were in jovial mood, and it was traditional for single youngsters to have a tactful look at possible future partners. A couple of times he asked a friend to look after his animals while he slipped off for a moment. On both occasions he drew close to the party and sat down to watch, but recorded that God’s will for him intervened and prevented him from getting into mischief.
‘God smote my ear,’ he said, ‘And I fell asleep until I was woken by the sun.’ (Ibn Ishaq p.81 n.2, Tabari 6.47).
Muhammad had no money or property of his own, and remained unmarried until the age of 25, at which point he was approached by the lady who was to be his life-partner – his employer, the wealthy tradeswoman Khadijah bint Khuwaylid of Makkah. She was around 40 years old, had been widowed twice, and was the mother of at least four children, one of whom still lived in her household. The nasty suggestions have been made that he married this ‘old woman’ to take advantage of her money and become wealthy, and have access to beautiful young slave-girls.
Despite the age-gap it was a love-match, and she went on to bear Muhammad at least six children, the last one being Fatimah who was born when she was c50 years old.
During that marriage, although Muhammad (pbuh) did indeed become a wealthy man, he took no further wives despite polygamy being customary, and did not involve himself with any serving women. When Arab men fathered children on slave-women, they acknowledged and raised them. Although Muhammad fathered at least 6 children on Khadijah, there were no other persons who claimed to be his children by other women.[1]
The Prophet’s wife Khadijah died in 619 CE, after their marriage of some 25 years. Far from being a paedophile, the Prophet, by then nearly 50 years old himself, had never in his life had sexual intimacy with any woman under the age of 40.
In 619, living in his household were two daughters, Umm Kulthum (aged c16) and Fatimah (aged c14) and two fostered sons – Zayd (aged c38) and Ali (aged c19). Zayd had married the Prophet’s ‘nanny’ Umm Ayman (who was c20 years older than himself) and they had a son, Usamah, who was accepted as the Prophet’s first ‘grandson’.
Although I would say from my own studies of the Prophet’s time that the normal age for marriage was around 13-15 for a girl and 15-16 for a boy, the Prophet’s three eldest daughters - Zaynab, Ruqaiyyah and Umm Kulthum - all left home in marriage to cousins in the year 610. In that year Zaynab was c10, Ruqaiyyah c8, and Umm Kulthum c7 years old. Zaynab’s marriage was recorded as a love-match; and the two younger girls moved to the household of their uncle Abu Lahab (the father of the bridegrooms), but their marriages were not consummated. The notion that the Prophet might have been so personally corrupt and perverted that he would submit his own daughters to other paedophiles is ridiculous. With the coming of Islam their uncle made his sons return them to the Prophet’s household, and they were still sexually untouched. In 614 Ruqaiyyah (now aged 12) married the merchant Uthman b. Affan, and left the household again. She became pregnant immediately, but lost that baby. Her surviving son, Abdullah, was born in 619, when she was c17. In 620, (when aged c20), the Prophet’s daughter Zaynab gave birth to his first grand-daughter, Umamah.
The Prophet’s time alone as a widower and his next two marriages.
The next section is an extract from my forthcoming book on the Life of the Prophet (pbuh), which will be published soon insha’Allah. (It includes in the footnotes a discussion of Aishah’s age when she married. Neither of the Prophet’s next two marriages was a love-match or based on physical desire. Both took place while the Prophet still lived in Khadijah’s house in Makkah, before the hijrah to Madinah).
The Prophet (pbuh)
might never have married again after the death of Khadijah, being abstemious in
his physical life and having arrived at the age of 50, had he not desired help
with his various duties, or been so full of compassion. But he was very fond of
women, appreciating in particular those who were quick-witted and intelligent,
and of strong character, although he also had patience with those who were shy
and quiet. Khadijah, his life-partner for twenty-five years, had been a
remarkable and active woman, and their devotion to each other was of
outstanding spiritual as well as social nobility. He had shown himself
considerate to women’s feelings at a time when many men were highly
chauvinistic, and would regard a wife with a dominant character as being a
slight to their manhood and dignity. On the contrary, the Prophet (pbuh) loved
women with character, but in
spite of his wealth and reputation, he had never taken any other wife while she
lived, and there was no
question of him wishing to replace Khadijah in his heart, or seeking to fall in
love again.
However, after nearly a year of mourning he was approached by one of his old friends, Khawlah bint Hakim, who had been Khadijah’s friend and was a regular visitor at his house.
‘You are suffering from your loss,’ she said.
‘Khadijah was the mother of the family and the lady of the house,’ he replied.
Khawlah began to urge the Prophet (pbuh) to remarry.
He had a couple of strange dreams. In the first, he saw a man carrying something covered in silk, who told him it was his wife. He lifted the silk and the face he saw was that of his little friend Aishah. The Prophet (pbuh) was now turned fifty years old and facing the prospect of old age. Moreover, he knew that Aishah (who was possibly just 6 years old) had already been betrothed to Jubayr, the son of his stalwart protector Mut‘im. However, shortly afterwards he had a similar dream, only this time the silk bundle was carried by an angel. Once again, the person wrapped in the silk was Aishah.
At first the Prophet (pbuh) told nobody the dreams, but he became convinced they were significant when Khawlah raised the subject again.
‘Who would you recommend?’ he asked.
‘A virgin bride, or a non-virgin,’ she replied. (ie. one who had not been previously married, and one who had).
‘Who is the virgin?’ the Prophet (pbuh) asked.
‘The daughter of the dearest creature of God to you – Aishah bint Abu Bakr.’
‘And who is the non-virgin?’
‘Sawdah bint Zam’ah, who has so long believed in you and loved you.’ (Tabari 9.129; Ibn Kathir 2.95, from Imam Ahmad. Sources vary as to which of these two had nikah with the Prophet (pbuh) first.).
Sawdah was indeed an old friend. She had been amongst the first emigrants to Abyssinia, a friend to his daughter Ruqaiyyah, and had returned to Makkah hoping to be reconciled to her husband’s pagan brother Sheikh Suhayl, one of the leading tribal chiefs. Even though Suhayl had been glad to see his brother again, the issue of Sakran’s new faith still divided them. Shortly afterwards Sakran died. Suhayl agreed to take his widow Sawdah and their children (she may have had as many as six) into his protection - but only on the condition that Sawdah gave up Islam. This she stalwartly refused to do, and returned to her father’s household.
The Prophet (pbuh)
knew all about her circumstances, and therefore it seemed doubly good to him to
make her the offer of marriage. She could move into Khadijah’s house where he
could take care of her, and she could help him with his unmarried daughters. He
agreed to let Khawlah sound out both the possible brides, on his behalf.
So Khawlah went to Sawdah’s father Zam’ah and suggested the proposed marriage. Zam’ah was hesitant, for his eldest son Abdullah (like his uncle Sheikh Suhayl) bitterly opposed Islam.
‘There is no doubt that Muhammad (pbuh) is a noble person,’ Zam’ah said, ‘but I will have to consult Sawdah herself.’
To their surprise Sawdah hesitated. When the Prophet (pbuh) asked what it was that prevented her, she pointed out that although he was the most beloved of people to her and she respected him enormously, she was worried that her children would ‘squeal around his head’ all the time.’ When the Prophet (pbuh) reassured her, she agreed to the marriage gladly. Her son Abdu’r Rahman was delighted about it, but her brother Abdullah was furious.
He could do nothing to prevent it, however, and the Prophet (pbuh) went to her house where Sheikh Suhayl’s Muslim brother Hatib organised the event, and her father read the nikah for them. Her mahr was extremely modest, a mere 400 dirhams, or about twelve and a half ounces of gold. Abdullah was so angry he publicly threw dust on his own head.
(Ibn Kathir 2.97, from Imam Ahmad. Also Tabari 39 p.171).
Next, Khawlah went to
approach Abu Bakr’s wife Umm Ruman about Aishah. Umm Ruman was in favour of the
match, but agreed to abide by Abu Bakr’s decision. In fact, he hesitated to
agree, his reason not being that his daughter was so much younger than the
Prophet (pbuh) – for such age-gaps were not at all unusual in their culture,[2] or even that she was already betrothed to
Jubayr, the son of Sheikh Mut’im - who had made himself the Prophet’s patron in
Makkah. He was concerned because he had taken the Prophet (pbuh) as his
‘brother’, and therefore regarded Aishah as the Prophet’s (pbuh) own niece (and
marriages between uncle and niece were forbidden). Khawlah duly came back to
report this objection, but the Prophet (pbuh) pointed out that a
brother-in-faith did not have the same blood-ban on marriage as a real brother,
so Khawlah was sent again. (Tabari 1.1768,
Ibn Hanbal 6.210, Bukhari 3.415, Ibn Hajar 4.691).
The next obstacle was
Aishah’s existing engagement. Umm Ruman pointed out frankly to Khawlah that Abu
Bakr had never broken a single agreement he had ever made. His word was his bond.
Abu Bakr, however, decided to go and see Mut’im. As it happened, Mut’im was
sitting with his wife Umm Sabi when Abu Bakr arrived, and it was obvious from
her attitude that she, at least, had already had second thoughts about the
match. Before Abu Bakr said anything, she got straight to her point by telling
him that she hoped he did not expect Jubayr to leave his religion and join the
Muslims if he married into his family. Abu Bakr turned to Mut’im and asked if
that was how he felt too.
‘It was she who said
it,’ Mut’im replied, but he did not contradict her. (Ibn Kathir 2.95, from Imam Ahmad) .So
Abu Bakr felt this relieved him of his promise, and went with a clear
conscience to tell Khawlah she could fetch the Prophet (pbuh) to receive his
consent.
Aishah had known the
Prophet (pbuh) since the day she was born, and had seen him every day of her
life. (Bukhari 3.494). She
had always adored him, with the fierce, sweet love many a young girl has for an
exceptionally close adult.[3] The nikah
took place in the month of Shawwal, in Muslim defiance of the Arab superstition
that this was an unlucky time for weddings. It was an extremely simple affair,
with Aishah simply being taken inside from her play by her grandmother Umm
Khayr, and the betrothal solemnised by her father.[4]
There was no physical marriage at this stage, and she continued to live with
her parents..[5]
The Prophet married Aishah
when she was only 6 years old
I hope I have established that marriage of very young girls was not at all the same thing as being a paedophile!
A paedophile is someone who lewdly seeks to have sex with a child. That the Prophet had no such inclination was proved by the fact that he could have legally done anything he liked to Aishah after their nikah, yet there was no physical intimacy between them for several years, and she continued to live in her father’s household. According to her own testimony, although she knew she had been ‘married’ to someone, and perhaps realised that it was not the person she had originally been betrothed to, she did not actually even know who the bridegroom was, and did not feel the need to ask at that stage. She said that the first time she realised her husband was the Prophet was when the union was physically consummated several years after the marriage, when she reached puberty.
Needless to say, if the Prophet had any tendencies towards paedophilia, it is inconceivable that once he had legal right to take Aishah into his home and proceed to do whatever he liked to her, that he would have left her with her parents for some three years.
Child Marriage Issues:
Aishah’s age at marriage is not known for certain. However, she was certainly under 16, and the most important thing as regards Islam and this issue is that every action of the Prophet was a sunnah which other Muslims sought and seek to follow.
The Prophet’s marriage to Aishah therefore:
· established a precedent, and to this day in the rural villages of Egypt, Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Ethiopia, Pakistan, India, and the Middle East it is very unusual for a girl to reach the age of 16 and not be married. Some very young girls find themselves being made to marry men old enough to be their grandfathers.
· led to the nasty accusation we have been considering that the Prophet was a paedophile
· and also led to accusations that Muhammad could not have been a genuine prophet, for God would not have allowed him to do such a thing.
I have commented on all these things in my separate article on Child Marriage. The most important point is that forced marriage is totally forbidden in Islam, and where marriages have been forced on unfortunate youngsters, the guilty parties (whether parents or spouses) will be called to account for this in the Life to Come if not in this world, where the marriages could be declared void by good Shari’ah lawyers.
So, let us come to the other criticisms in the list. There is much to be said on each of the points below:
· the Prophet polygamously married over a dozen women
· therefore he must have had an enormous sex-drive
· he enjoyed a sexual relationship with several young girls, including two who were slaves
· he was known to have enjoyed the company of women
· he stated himself that the three things he most enjoyed in life were perfume, women and prayer
Yes, he did. The practice of a man to have more than one wife (polygamy) had been commonplace and normal for wealthy men from ancient times. Famous Biblical examples include Abraham, David (13 wives) and Solomon (300 wives and 700 concubines), to name just a few celebrities. Incidentally, there is no word for ‘bachelor’ in the Hebrew language, and the first command of God to humanity was to ‘be fruitful and multiply’ – which meant marriage (Genesis 1:28). In societies where women were vulnerable, it was considered ungenerous if a man of means did not support several wives.
With the coming of Islam polygamy was not banned outright, but it became subject to very stringent limitations, mainly for the further protection of women. Muslim women were only allowed one husband at a time,[6] and Muslim men were limited to four.
Polygamy was only actually encouraged in circumstances where vulnerable women were widowed and in need of provision, particularly after battles or major catastrophes. The limit of four wives was to prevent generous men over-stretching their resources. In ‘normal’ circumstances polygamy was allowed for men in cases where a wife had become too sick to cope with her household, and became grateful for help; or where a man wished for divorce but his wife did not – he could allow her to continue with his support while also marrying the new loved one. Other wives would obviously prefer divorce. It was never intended for a man’s selfish pleasure.
Caliph Umar indicated that one reason for the limit of four was the entitlement of a wife to sexual intimacy – if desired - every four days, to preserve marital contentment.
Islamic polygamy was not to be like the old practice of men seeking multiple wives for prestige, sexual pleasure, or seeking ‘new models’ when the old ones grew less attractive physically. The principles were that no Muslim should ever deliberately seek to hurt another, and he certainly should not extend his household beyond his means. Each wife had to be happy with the arrangement, and treated with scrupulous fairness as regards equal conditions, provision, housing, food and clothing, support, and time spent with them. If the man could not guarantee this, then Allah forbade polygamy to him.
‘If you fear that you shall
not be able to deal justly with (freeborn) orphan girls, then marry (other)
women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not
be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (marry from among the
captives) that your right hands possess. That will be nearer to prevent you
from doing injustice.’ (Surah 4.3).
The Prophet knew the stresses polygamy could cause to women who did not wish it – his own daughter Fatimah was made to face this issue when her husband Ali considered taking another wife. The Prophet made a point of publicly praised his other son-in-law Abu’l As (who had rejected tempting offers of other spouses), and influenced Ali not to go ahead. Ali agreed, and only married his other wives after Fatimah’s death.
After the Prophet had turned 50 years old, he did marry polygamously, and took into his household other women - who were mainly his own relatives or widows of his friends, or widows of enemies slain in battle.
It is worth remembering that it was quite normal for women to marry and remarry several times, and have many children. If a man married such a widow, her children would normally come too. For example, Sawdah may have had six, and Umm Salamah came with four.
A list of the Prophet’s Wives
and some brief notes on their circumstances
Khadijah bint Khuwaylid - widowed twice (from Atiq (Utayiq) b. Aidh and Abu Halah b. Zurarah), and had at least four children before she married the Prophet in 595, when she was aged c40, he 25. They had at least 6 children – Qasim, Zaynab, Ruqaiyyah, Umm Kulthum, Fatimah, Abdallah. The boys Qasim and Abdullah died in infancy. It has been suggested that there were other babies, twins, who also died. They fostered and brought up the Prophet’s cousin Ali b. Abu Talib from the age of 4, and the freed slave Zayd b. Harithah from the age of 14. Khadijah died in 619, aged 65.
Sawdah bint Zam’ah - her first husband was Sakran, brother of Sheikh Suhayl of Amir. They were two of the earliest converts to Islam. They emigrated to Abyssinia, and on their return Sakran died. Suhayl agreed to take her in if she gave up Islam. She refused, and the Prophet married her in 620, when she became foster-mother to his daughters. Later she gave ‘her’ day to Aishah. Could have been divorced, but asked to remain as the Prophet’s wife in celibacy. Died 633. Had existing children, some say 6.
Aishah bint Abu Bakr – was said to have had her nikah to the Prophet at the age of 6, although it might have been later. Physically married after hijrah, when she reached puberty. She was either 18 or 28 when the Prophet died, and lived another 40 years a widow. Very clever, a recognised scholar. Led battle of Siffin against Ali after Prophet’s death. Supported claims of her nephew, Asma’s son Abdallah as caliph. Died either 670, 672, 677 or 680. I favour 672, aged 67, after a widowhood of 40 years. If this is correct, it would mean she was 27 when the Prophet died in 632, and therefore around 17 when she married him; and must have been born c/605-6. (Refer to my booklet ‘Hazrat Aishah’, IPCI, 481 Coventry Rd Birmingham, for all the various theories and data).
Hafsah bint Umar - first husband Khunays b. Hudhayfah of Sahm, who was martyred at Badr. Rejected by Abu Bakr and Uthman. Very clever girl, scholarly, but with her father’s quick temper. Educated by Umar’s relative Shifa bint Abdallah. Married Prophet in 625 aged c20. She kept first written copy of Qur’an. Died 665, aged 60.
Zaynab bint Khuzaymah – When aged c16, she married first the Prophet’s cousin Tufayl b. Harith, and later, when he divorced her, the Prophet’s cousin Ubaydah b. Harith b. Muttalib. At 48 years old,[7] Ubaydah was 32 years her senior, and the senior figure among these first Muslims. He died at Badr. She married the Prophet in 625, aged c33. She was very compassionate, and had been known since teenage as ‘Mother of the Poor’. Very happy working with Fatimah to help destitute, but died after few months. Died 626.
Umm Salamah bint Abu Umayyah - the Prophet’s cousin. Her first husband, Abu Salamah, was also the Prophet’s cousin. They were among the very first Muslims and emigrated to Abyssinia. On their return they were still persecuted by their family, so took refuge in the household of the Prophet’s uncle and foster-father Abu Talib, until he died. Among the first to make the hijrah, but Umm Salamah and her son were captured and kept prisoner. Eventually they crossed the desert alone and reached Quba. They were very happily married, and she tried to swear to Abu Salamah that she would never marry another, so that they could remain married in Paradise (a pre-Islamic belief), but he refused her this. They had three children and was pregnant when he was wounded at Uhud. He died later, and the Prophet, Abu Bakr and Umar all offered to marry her. They had a hard time persuading her to remarry, for she did not wish to enter a polygamous situation, and was in deep mourning for her slain husband. In the end she accepted the Prophet, and married him when aged c29, just before giving birth to her 4th child, Zaynab. The Prophet loved her children and raised them as his own. She accompanied the Prophet on many of his travels. A refined and scholarly lady, she was the last of the Prophet’s wives to pass away, in 683, aged 84.
Zaynab bint Jahsh - the Prophet’s cousin. She and her brothers were among the very first Muslims. She was not married young – and may have been hoping to marry the Prophet, but he requested her to marry the ex-slave Zayd, his adopted son. She was unwilling, through tribal pride, but eventually consented. The marriage failed and they divorced in 626. The Prophet married her (aged c39) in 627. Proud, refined, educated, she earned her own independent income through leather trading. Died 641, aged 53.
Rayhanah bint Zayd b. Amr al-Qurayziyyah - a Jewish captive whose husband was slain at the siege of the Banu Qurayzah in 627. There has been debate over whether she married Prophet or remained a concubine. She did not accept Islam at first, but was placed in the care of the Prophet’s aunt Salmah Umm Mundhir at Quba, where she did convert to Islam. She died before the Prophet, in 632, after his Farewell Pilgrimage.
Juwayriyyah bint Harith - Daughter of an Arab chief. Captured after battle with the Banu Mustaliq. Allotted to Thabit b. Qays, but demanded to see the Prophet and called for her release. He offered her marriage instead, and she accepted in 628 (aged either 16 or 22). All captives from her tribe were also set free. Died either 670 or 676, aged 64.
Umm Habibah (Ramlah) bint Abu Sufyan – Daughter of the wealthy and influential Sheikh Abu Sufyan. One of the first converts, she married the Prophet’s cousin Ubaydallah b. Jahsh, brother of Zaynab, who had been a Christian hanif. Emigrated to Abyssinia with Sawdah and Umm Salamah. Ubaydallah reverted to Christianity, then died. The Negus informed the Prophet, and suggested he married her by proxy, which he did in 627, when she was aged c44. The Negus paid the dowry. She came to join the Prophet after the battle of Khaybar, in 628. Died 666, aged 73.
Safiyyah (Zaynab) bint Huyayy b. Akhtab - Daughter of the Prophet’s worst Jewish enemy. Very devout and studious girl; first knew of the Prophet at age of 10, when her uncles went to meet him on his first arrival in Madinah. Married off to the elderly Rabbi Sallam b. Mishkan (Abu’l Huqayq), and after he divorced her to his own grandson Rabbi Kinanah b. Rabi of Khaybar. She always disliked Kinanah. When she told him she had dreamed of marrying the king of Madinah, he blacked her eye. She was captured at the battle of Khaybar in 628. Huyayy was executed, and she married Prophet, aged 16. She had a difficult time with the Prophet’s other wives, but became a great favourite with Aishah for her sweetness and piety. Died aged c64 in 676.
Maryam Qibtiyyah – An Egyptian Coptic Christian girl sent to the Prophet in 628 with her sister Shirin (Serene), by the Muqawqis or Viceroy of Egypt - Jurayj (George) b. Matta (or Binyamin, or Mina) - the Coptic Christian Archbishop of Alexandria subordinate to the Byzantine Emperor. Maryam and Shirin were daughters of the Archbishop’s friend Shimun (Simon), a respected Coptic Christian leader of the village of Hafn in Kawrat Ansina, (Ibn Kathir 4.415). Shirin was given to Hassan b. Thabit, and Maryam to the Prophet. Very beautiful with curly hair. She bore him the son Ibrahim, who like his other sons, died in infancy. She died shortly after the Prophet, in 632.
Maymunah bint Harith b. Hazn – One of a group of ladies the Prophet referred to as ‘the Sisters’, among the very first converts of Islam. She was a sister of Umm Fadl the wife of Abbas (the second female convert, after Khadijah), Salmah the wife of Hamzah, and Asma the wife of Walid b. Mughirah – and therefore the aunt of the warrior Khalid b. Walid. Widowed twice, from her first husband Mas’ud b. Amr of Taif, then from Abbas’ half-brother Abu Rahim b. Abd al-Uzzah, the second husband of the Prophet’s (pbuh) Aunt Barrah. Abbas took her into his household and arranged the Prophet’s marriage to her (when she was c28) after his first pilgrimage to Makkah in 629. She died either 671 or 681, aged either 70 or 80.
Note: Most books say either that the Prophet had 11 wives, 9 of whom were still living as the time of his death, or 13 wives. The books that say the Prophet had 13 wives include the Jewish prisoner Rayhanah and the Coptic concubine Maryam as wives, on the grounds that the Qur’an forbade sexual intimacy outside marriage. Allah knows best.
The two that died before him were Khadijah and Zaynab bint Khuzaymah. Rayhanah also died before him, but is not always counted as his wife. Several sources insist that there was at least one other full wife, who was divorced, but their information varies.
The Prophet’s multiple marriages indicate that he must have had an enormous sex-drive
Not really. It was indeed recorded that the Prophet used to visit all of his wives every day. However, this does not imply that he had sexual intimacy with all of them, but rather politeness and the fact that he cared for them all. The Prophet and his wives all lived side by side in nine separate little apartments inside the mosque compound in Madinah. It is known that Sawdah gave up physical intimacy with the Prophet and granted her ‘night’ to Aishah.
The Prophet enjoyed a sexual
relationship with several young girls, including two who were slaves
All the ages of the women the Prophet married are given in the list above, where known. Apart from Aishah, his other young wives were Hafsah (aged 20 – her 2nd husband), Juwayriyyah (aged either 16 or 22 – her 2nd husband), Safiyyah (aged 16 – her 3rd husband), and Maryam Qibtiyyah (age not known). At 16, these ladies would not qualify in Arab society as ‘young girls’.
The two who were slaves were the Jewess Rayhanah and the Coptic Christian Maryam. They were not treated as slaves by the Prophet but with enormous respect, and were granted their freedom in lieu of the mahr (dowry) a free woman was entitled to.
In the Prophet’s time, male householders were normally respectful of free women who had male relatives to protect and avenge them, but thought nothing of helping themselves to sex with slave or servant women. These unfortunate women were frequently forced and abused, and were not usually able to refuse their masters. With the coming of Islam, this abuse was forbidden to Muslim men, who were expected to behave honourably.
Muslim men were actually encouraged to seek wives from among their bondwomen, and raise their status.
If any of you cannot afford to
marry a free believing woman, let him marry one of his own slave girls (ie.
one ‘who your right hand possesses’) who is a believer; Allah knows how
good you are in your faith. You all belong to one and the same community. Marry
them with the permission of their family, and give them their fair dowry so
that they may live a decent life in wedlock and not live as prostitutes or look
for secret illicit relationships…….(Surah 4.34-35)
‘If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with (freeborn) orphan girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then (marry) only one, or (marry from among the captives) that your right hands possess. That will be nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.’ (Surah 4.3).
(See separate article on ‘those whom the right hand possesses’)
Yes indeed, from intelligent young girls to quiet devout companions. Once again, this does not imply lasciviousness, or sexual activity. His best female friends were those who had been among the first converts to Islam, and were mature ladies of similar age to himself. He enjoyed conversation with them, eating meals in their homes, even being on the road or at the battlefield with them. Their relationships were not sexual.
As regards seeking after women, he was known to have been extremely modest, and avoided touching any women who were not his relatives. He would not even shake their hands when taking the pledge of loyalty to Islam from them. However, it is known that he frequently accepted meals and rest-time in the houses of some of his old friends, where it is recorded that several had the privilege of taking his head in their lap in order to tend his hair.
He stated that the three things he most enjoyed in life were perfume, women and prayer
Yes, it is indeed recorded that he said that, and it was well documented that he did indeed enjoy perfume. His foster-father Abu Talib had been a trader in fine perfume, as were several other members of his wider family. His fondness for women was of the nature I have indicated above – and many of his chauvinistic male Companions were highly surprised and even outraged at the familiar and outgoing way in which he treated them. He was cherished and deeply loved, and it is on record that several women offered themselves to him in marriage. He treated women well, and usually took their side in arguments and court cases.
However, he made it very clear that the most important of things in life to him was his communion with Allah, his prayer. When you examine his normal daily routine, it is clear that the larger part of it was spent in prayer.
I hope my thoughts have been helpful, and may Allah forgive me if some of my words have been blunt, or too graphic, or offensive in some way, to others. It was not my intention to offend, but to defend.
The Prophet of Islam (pbuh) was one of the most closely scrutinized characters in all history – his actions and deeds watched and copied in every detail by his fervent followers, his words and opinions cherished and preserved with great care. Paedophiles in every place and age have been despised. Their abhorrent activities are secret. In Madinah, the Prophet of Islam lived literally in the midst of his community, in a series of small apartments where it was recorded that people could see in through the cracks, where there were multiple long-standing female Companions billeted, plus a staff of servants and freedpeople, and many children. It is nonsense to imagine that the Prophet enjoyed a secret, smutty sex-life!
God bless you, wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
[1] The only exception, from the period between Khadihjah’s death and his own, was his son Ibrahim by Maryam Qibtiyyah – a baby much loved and recorded quite openly in the hadith.
[2] Most Muslims accept that Aishah was born in the 4th year of the Prophethood, ie 614 CE, and that she was therefore engaged to the Prophet (pbuh) when she was only six years old. Others have suggested other dates, on the grounds that various dates given in the hadith traditions do not ‘add up’, and that she could have been born 4 years before the Prophethood, ie. 606. Others suggest 610. For full discussion, see Sr Ruqaiyyah’s booklet on ‘Hazrat Aishah, and her age at Marriage’, IPCI, Birmingham, UK, and the note on p.000.
[3] Even if Aishah was only six, this is a common thing. This author brought up one of her grandsons from infancy, and there was a very strong bond of innocent but powerful love between us. I well remember the little boy, aged five, cuddling me with sighs of pure content, and telling me how much he loved me, and that he would marry me when he grew up! On the other hand, if Aishah was born in 606, she was thirteen at her nikah, probably the average age for this ceremony in Arabia.
[4] Ibn Sa’d 8.40. According to Abdullah b. Muhammad b. Aqil, Aishah’s marriage took place before that with Sawdah. Ibn Ishaq gives Sawdah’s first. Allah knows best.
[5] This was not an unusual or amazing thing, and to this day it is
still quite normal for couples who have been officially married by nikah (even adults) not to consummate
their relationship for varying lengths of time, for all sorts of reasons. (One
imagines the same situation applied to the Virgin Mary, mother of Jesus (pbuh),
who apparently married the Carpenter Joseph of Nazareth when she was around 12
years of age, according to the Protevanglion of James, without any sexual
intimacy – even though they proceeded to live together). Muslims are horrified
when persons unaware of this cultural practice accuse the Prophet (pbuh) of
being a paedophile – may Allah forgive them! – as if he lewdly sought to have
sex with a six-year-old. As regards the matter of physical intimacy with a very
young girl, it was considered normal once the girl had become technically
capable of childbirth with the onset of menstruation – which could be as early
as 9 or as late as 18, but was most frequently between 11 and 15. It was also
considered normal in the West until very recently – to take two famous
examples, Chaucer’s ‘Wife of Bath’ married at 12, and Richard 2nd
married Isabel of France when she was 7, a cause for celebration! In 1721 at the age of 11, King Louis XV of
France was betrothed to his first cousin, Marie-Anne-Victoire, daughter of
Philip V of Spain the three-year-old Spanish infanta.
In the West today sex is illegal for girls under the age of 16, but this is an arbitrary choice of age and many girls are sexually active much younger. Muslim culture prefers honourable marriage as soon as pregnancy becomes a possibility to dishonourable sex before marriage with its attendant tragedies and abortions. It was also, incidentally, quite normal in polygamous societies for an old man to take a young bride – they did not necessarily impose sexual intimacy on them, but appreciated them as nurses and ‘bed-warmers’; in the Old Testament we have an example of King David taking the very young Abishag the Shunammite for these very reasons ( I Kings 1.1-4). When the old man died, it left the young wife with property, making her highly eligible for her next husband – often the dead husband’s son.
[6] Aishah recorded that many influential tribal women married polygamously in pre-Islamic times, some having as many as 10 simultaneous husbands. (Abu Dawud 2265,Bukhari 7.44.37).